Dating · Toronto

Writing about the new boyfriend

So I wasn’t going to write about the fact that I’m now in a relationship, or about the guy I’m dating. I really wasn’t. But one of the problems with being a writer is sometimes a random comment or conversation will take root in your brain and grow like a weed until it clogs out all the other ideas and thoughts, forcing you to write about something you may not have otherwise. Now sometimes this is good – one of those conversations led to the novel I’m working on; sometimes it’s bad – I’ve written some crazy poetry because of insidious thoughts; and sometimes it just leads me to write about something I generally don’t – my current relationship.

Now this may be a bit shocking but I don’t think I’ve ever written about a relationship that I am currently in. I’ve written about dating – especially the funny and/or bad dating stories. I’ve even written about past relationships and crushes – although always in general terms, never naming anyone. But I’m pretty sure I’ve never written about a guy I’m in a relationship with, never about my current boyfriend.

But two random comments – or rather a random comment and a random conversation – have taken on a life of their own in my mind and have led to this post.

You see, I met someone new. No, that’s not quite right. I’m in a new relationship but we already knew each other and have for a while. But we’ve recently started dating. Of course he knows I write – in fact, he’s very supportive of my main website, ATK Magazine, and my writing – and one day he randomly asked if I was going to write about him/us. I said “probably” but I really wasn’t planning on it.

And then my boss came up to me last week, was all excited and exclaimed “I heard you had a boyfriend! I thought you said you didn’t like relationships?” Which lead into a discussion about how I said I was comfortable being single not that I had anything against being in a relationship. Why some people always assume that if you are okay with being single than you must hate being in a relationship I will never understand?! But just to clarify – which I did with my boss – I’m equally comfortable being single and being in a relationship; and I’m currently quite enjoying my new relationship.

That all being said, I’m probably not the easiest person to be in a relationship with because I’m so comfortable being single – and so independent. But since I’m aware of all that (one good thing about writing is it tends to make you or at least me, very self-aware), I’m pretty good at adjusting when necessary. Plus as I’ve grown older, I’ve become good at taking a deep breath or two when I get upset (I can be emotional) before I react so I don’t get upset about things I shouldn’t. This can be a useful skill in multi-cultural relationships as sometimes we miss a cultural nuance in a conversation that makes a big difference in the meaning/intention. Besides which, really listening is important in any relationship.

So how did this all come about?

Well, first of all, I decided that online dating wasn’t working for me so I deleted my online profile and threw myself into fate’s hands. Okay, I also decided to give fate a little help and try the ‘old-fashioned, date-someone-you-know’ approach. You see, there was a guy that I knew who I was growing more interested in and I had recently found out he was single.

Now if you read my last post, you know that I had decided to man up – or woman up as is the case – and let the next guy I was interested in know I was interested. If you haven’t read it, feel free to but basically I decided to let go of the fear of rejection I had developed and actually say “hey dude, I like you” or something to that effect. And what do you know, I actually did it. The timing was right. I had decided to actually take my friend’s advice and ask out a guy… and there was a guy I was growing more and more interested in asking out. It was serendipity.

But being who I am, I didn’t just casually say “hey, want to grab a coffee sometime?” or “hey, I think you’re neat, want to go on a date?” Nope, I’m an all or nothing kinda girl so since I decided to go for it, I laid all my cards on the table. I was like, “so, I like you.” I really don’t have a middle ground/speed – and it’s one of the reasons I get hurt often. And to be honest, a couple of shots of tequila helped.

What do you know, it worked. Although I’m pretty sure I completely shocked him. We went out on our first date the day afterwards and it was nice to go on a date with someone I could actually talk to, had things in common with and already liked. It’s also been fun getting to know him in a different way – as a boyfriend rather than just a friend.

I’m not sure if I’ll write about my budding relationship again but something in me wanted to tell the story. Perhaps because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get past my fear of rejection or perhaps because it’s just been such a fun getting to know him in a different way. Whatever the reason, it seemed like a nice end to my dating articles.

Next writing topic – food!

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