To date or not to date… that is the question

I’m going to tell you a secret. Okay, it’s really not much of a secret because there are lots of people that know but it’s not something I just normally throw out there in conversation. But a recent conversation at a friend’s dinner party – fantastic Korean food and fun people by the way, thanks Ryan!! – put a thought in my head that just won’t go away. Which for me, means I need to write about it.

How did this all come about?

No joke but it started from a drinking game – “never ever have I ever…” I kid you not! Who knew drinking games where so insightful?! In case you haven’t played that one, it’s the game were someone makes a negative statement like “I’ve never been to Europe.” or “Never ever have I kissed a girl.” and everyone who HAS done it, has to take a drink. It’s fun and you get to learn interesting things about your friends. Or can just lead to lots of drinking if people say silly things like “I’ve never drank beer” while everyone has a can of beer in their hand.

What was the statement that provoked my introspection?

Someone said: “I’ve never kissed anyone in the past two weeks.” and when no one drank we got side-tracked into a conversation on when was the last time everyone kissed someone which lead to another conversation on when everyone last had a girlfriend or boyfriend. Turns out everyone at the dinner party – there was eight of us – was single. And sadly, it had been quite a while for almost all of us since we had last kissed anyone or had a boyfriend/girlfriend. *sad face*

But the thing that really stuck out for me? And here’s the secret part I talked about at the start of the post… It’s almost been two years since I broke up with my last boyfriend. Yep, almost two years without a guy. *sad face* And of course, once I realized that… and how long it’s been since I even kissed a guy… I just had to write this. 

Wondering what this all has to do with the title?

Even though I broke up with him, I still needed to take some time to grieve the relationship so there was a period of six months or so when I didn’t want to date. Of course, once I was ready to put myself out there, I jumped back in the game and dated a little – all first dates – but they all sucked. Okay, they didn’t all suck, some were just lackluster but none were good enough for a second date. There was the guy who spent the entire dinner – which was supposed to be just drinks but he ordered a meal – on his Blackberry. Dude, so not the way into my heart or even a second date. Or the guy who sent me over 100 texts – including pics of his nieces – in a week, before we even had our first date. Oh yeah, and called me while drunk for directions. Dude, you’re not 18… grow up. And my personal favourite was the guy who spent the whole date comparing how compatible our careers were… not how compatible we were but our careers. Dude, I’m not going to marry your career.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is I’ve had some bad luck in the last year or so with dates. So I’ve been wondering what I should do? Should I keep trying these first dates? Should I not date and hope something just happens? Or should I try something different? Perhaps I should listen to my friend’s advice… you see, my friends have been trying to get me to do something that I’ve always had a super hard time doing. Talk to a guy I like.

“What?” I can practically here you say. Let me explain. I can talk most people’s ears off. Seriously! I like people and I like talking (listening too) so I’m comfortable chatting with a wide variety of people about just about anything except anything sexual which makes me blush like crazy (I can talk about it, I just blush like a 14 year old). But if I like a guy whom I don’t know yet or even just have a little crush on him, then I get super shy and can’t start a conversation to save my life. If I’ve already talked to him, I’m generally okay… I just can’t start the first conversation to save my life.

And I have a crush at the moment…

My friends want me to talk to this guy that I have a crush on and take a chance. But I’m crazy nervous about the idea. You see as much as I would like to have a great date with a guy I like, talking to a crush is super unnerving. Crushes are safe. Talking with my crush means the end of the crush… one way or another. Of course, talking to my crush might end in a date… and that date might go well and lead to another. But talking to my crush could also lead to disappointment and/or disillusionment. Disappointment because he might not be interested which would suck but I’d get over it easily enough (I mean it’s just a crush, I don’t know him so I don’t actually like him… I just think I might be able to like him). Disillusionment is much worse… because he might not be as cool as I’ve built him up in my mind. And that is the negative side of crushes… they almost never live up to the promise.

Back to the title

To date or not to date? What would you do? Talk to the crush? Take a break and hope something random & wonderful happens? Try internet dating again (no luck the last time)? What to do…?


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